God of folding socks and washing dishes. Like most gods, he is rather useless on his own, but ultimately necessary. He accepts no sacrifices, and cannot be bribed. Single heterosexual men are his eternal enemy and it is his constant godly duty to keep them and their estates smelly.
His work must be done. He cannot be appeased by any measure of man, except folding the socks and washing the goddamn dishes.
He is the patron saint of OCD
The following image adorns his temples:
9gag.com stole this from Crimethinc.
"(Flowvia) is the raging she beast evil goddess of menstruation. You have to be a righteous soul to not evoke her temper. If you uphold her vision of morality she will bless you with good health and vitality. However, if you turn from her holy ways and gravitate towards a life of sin, she strikes you down with a wretched curse and causes you to bleed from your loins.
This goddess teaches us that men are holy and righteous creatures...while women can only maintain a righteous appearance for a maximum of twenty-eight days.
Lashitacus 16:4-5
For they were wicked in their ways and covetous of man's goodness. Flowvia spoke like thunder and cast a curse upon the Estrogenites which maketh them bleed from their loins and reverteth them to the fetal position, that of babes. Flowvia cursed the Estrogenites for seven days and seven nights, in which no man could save them from their own bitchiness; the bitchiest bitchiness that had ever bitched upon the Earth.
Flowvia looked upon the sea of red and was pleased; and it was good."
This goddess teaches us that men are holy and righteous creatures...while women can only maintain a righteous appearance for a maximum of twenty-eight days.
Lashitacus 16:4-5
For they were wicked in their ways and covetous of man's goodness. Flowvia spoke like thunder and cast a curse upon the Estrogenites which maketh them bleed from their loins and reverteth them to the fetal position, that of babes. Flowvia cursed the Estrogenites for seven days and seven nights, in which no man could save them from their own bitchiness; the bitchiest bitchiness that had ever bitched upon the Earth.
Flowvia looked upon the sea of red and was pleased; and it was good."
I cannot take credit for the creation of Flowvia or her description. A good friend of mine invented Flowvia, and I feel it is only right that she appear as a blue dinosaur in a cartoon racecar.
Vroom
Hoork
God of vomit. When you vomit, Hoork is pleased. Hoork laughs at you.
Hoork is a gluttonous god, and can't stand for just one wretching session.
You know how after you've puked and you take a deep breath, relieved that you didn't die or lose an eyeball, and then you feel round two coming even though you've just puked up everything you've eaten since New Years?
That's Hoork, hoping for more. Hoork cares not for you, your sinuses, or your health. He wants to make you puke your fucking balls of.
Hoork thinks this is hilarious.
That cold sweat you feel on the back of your neck after you've been yelling at China-- that's Hoork's icy breath, giving you a momentary reprieve from your suffering before kicking you in the gut one more time. Hoork is a jackass, and this is his avatar:
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